For every suicide there is an estimated six or more “suicide survivors,” people who are left behind trying to cope with this traumatic loss. They include spouses, parents, siblings, friends and relatives.
The Question is – WHY?
One of the haunting thoughts that survivors carry in the aftermath of suicide is “WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?”
As Beverly Feigelman, one of the authors of Devastating Losses, and the mother of a young filmmaker who died by suicide describes, “The question mark stays in the forefront of your mind haunting you and only with time starts to slowly move toward the back.”
Depression, often unrecognized and untreated is considered the major cause of suicide. What complicates this finding is that those suffering often struggle with the fear that they will not find the proper treatment.
In her important book, Depression and Your Child, one of the contributions of author Deborah Serani, is a listing of over 300 names of famous people from athletes, actors to writers who have suffered with depression.
In work with suicide survivors – be they family members, siblings or cops, the consideration of suicide as “psychache” has been considered helpful.
Essentially it comes from the work of suicide expert, Edwin Shneidman who defined suicide as a misguided solution to unbearable psychic pain.
In such pain, thinking becomes constricted, there is tunnel vision and the only compelling need is to end the pain. When suicidal, the thought of ending the pain is not always equated with ending life.
Intolerable, Interminable and Inescapable.
Dan Bilsker and Peter Forster (2003) who also define suicidal thinking in terms of a crisis of pain–describe it in terms of “ The Three I’s” – The person suffering perceives the pain as Intolerable, Interminable and Inescapable.
When intervention is possible, it aims at relieving despair by demonstrating that emotional pain can be addressed with help, that the moments of pain will not persist and that with support there are alternatives to those aspects of life that can feel inescapable.
Findings and Risk Factors To Consider
Suicide is tragic and complicated loss that takes the lives of too many people.
- According to the American Federation of Suicide Prevention, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US.
- It is estimated that there are 129 suicides per day.
- The rate of suicide is highest in middle-age white men who too often do no present with typical symptoms of depression and are less likely to seek help.
- Stressful life events and access to lethal means like firearms or drugs are a combination that may increase the risk of suicide
- Firearms were involved in half of all suicides, and there were more than twice as many deaths by suicide than by homicide.
- Previous suicide attempts and a family history of suicide are also risk factors.
If you have suffered the loss of a loved one by suicide–You know about unspeakable and mystifying loss.
Seek Support for yourself and remember the best of your loved one.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline