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Children Lost in the Chaos
Dismissing the suffering of a child that doesn’t have access to their mom or dad is despicable.

In leaving my daughter at Columbia University to do her graduate program, I was faced with feelings of deep suffering and agony. When leaving her, I wanted to go back to either take her back home with me or to stay at the University with her. I don’t believe that came with being enmeshed or obsessed but with the true feeling of loss and separation anxiety.  Almost feeling that I was never going to see her again. I knew in my heart and in my thoughts that I would obviously see her in a few weeks or months, but the pain was so deep that it was hard to breathe.

It suddenly came over me to think what a small child could possibly imagine and experience when they get shuffled around between parents and caretakers. Going into new homes and having new partners replacing their mommy or daddy. How awful an experience of loss and suffering. Not even knowing what questions to ask or who to ask them to. Wanting to understand what is happening to what they thought was a happy family. They feel dismissed and unnoticed. So many losses all at once!!!!! Of course they have trouble concentrating in school when they can’t get passed the emotional burden that they are facing. They can’t help but to feel ashamed and confused. They don’t feel worthy of asking for more information when clearly what has happened to their family was done without their permission. Their family torn into pieces and they figure it out when they realize that one of their parents has left the house and left them. Many times it’s recommended for the parent to leave when the child is absent but then no real explanation is afforded to the child to cope with the reality. It is a huge void and emptiness left in the child who has a ton of questions and little answers. They are left in the dark, trying to make sense of things for themselves. First of all, the feeling of being unloved kicks in since the parent just took off. Next, they feel they have to step up and support the parent that was left behind. Lastly, they are supposed to be strong and continue on as if all is well: performing well in school, being social and having good behavior. How unrealistic is that?

Doesn’t anyone realize how hurtful this is for a child? Isn’t it clear the amount of pain and suffering being endured? Isn’t it obvious that performing in school academically or with good behavior is the last thing the child is going to do well?

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